SPACE TIME TOM FUCKERY
by Sanguine Blade
Summary: A young Time lord, after retreating from Gallifrey, must now go through his new life flying around the universe getting into god knows how much trouble...
1. Prologue

_Space Time Tom Fuckery_

 _Prologue_

It was a beautiful day on a planet far from humanity. The skies were a beautiful orange with clouds slowly floating along. Then the shells rained down. Ships fired on the planet. Children, families, and many kind people were forced to war. Many died in the ensuing conflict. This planet is Gallifrey and this war…was the Time War. Our story involves one specific man and his journeys through the universe. His name was never spoken but they call him…The Guardian.

A man was sprinting past many of scared crying civilians. He pushed his way up to a place filled with smoke and weapon fire. "Come on!" Shouted a sergeant. The man an up and fired his gun into an approaching metal creature. The creature fell apart into dust. "You! Get these families out of here! "The sergeant called out.

The man began herding families out of the line of fire. "Come on move!" He called motioning people towards a nearby shelter. The fire continued to ring out as the people were escorted to the bunker. "Everyone is in sir!" Called the man. He turned to see that the sergeant was turned into dust. "Fall back! Fall Back" Shouted the second in command as he was shot in the back. The man saw the metal beast move forward.

"Shit!" The man raced his way to the only safe place he knew. He raced to his home and found a gleaming TARDIS sitting in the basement of his home. He unlocked the door and fired up the controls. He raced around the console flipping switches and pressing buttons. "Come on TARDIS. Get me anywhere else." He slammed his fist onto a large button and the device shook as it ascended into the sky. As the ship flew off into space the planet behind him was set ablaze and the enemy fleet was obliterated. There was no going back now.

"Phew. I got out alive. Now let's see what I'm heading towards." He said as he pulled down a screen. The screen read **_Planet Earth Year 19-_**. The last digits were unreadable and changing. "So it looks like I'm landing on a planet in the 20th century." He turned away and made sure everything on the console was fine from the rapid escape. The console was lit with flashing buttons. "The TARDIS is fine. I best get some rest." He said as he walked from the main room into a hallway. He turned to the first door in the hall and stepped into a bedroom. Where he fell fast asleep. After two hours of sleep, he was shaken awake by the TARDIS. "NO, no no!" He raced out of bed and saw sparks fizzing from the console. "I go to sleep for a quick nap and shit goes wrong." He said while racing around fixing what he could. The screen had changed to **_Earth year 1959 A.D._** "Come on baby keep it together!" He said as he was shaken off the console into a pole. "Well you didn't have to hurt me sweetie." He climbed back up and fixed the console and then a loud sound rang from outside. It sounded like a metal can was shot into the ground. "Well I am glad that's over. Now let's see what's going on out there." He reached towards the door but stopped and looked at his clothes. His soldier gear was not going to look kind to whoever was outside. He stepped into a room and came out with a grey suit with an overcoat and fedora with a red tie and shirt underneath. "That's better. Now let's see the world." So he stepped out to who knows what is to come…

 _Clothing similar to this_


	2. Chapter 1 Time To Meet The Locals

Chapter 1

Time to Meet the Locals

The Guardian stepped out of his Tardis and turned around. His type 94 had turned into a large oak tree. He stepped all round it and it was indeed an oak tree. "Whelp, at least the gal is safe for now." He said. "Well I best go looking around." So he started walking towards a lit up town in the distance. As he stepped along the road a few cars whizzed by him heading away from the town. "I wonder what they are so rushed for." He thought to himself as he continued.

Finally, he came to a sign that read "Welcome to Adairville, Kentucky". He stepped past the sign and towards a local bar. He opened the door and saw a mess of movement. People were playing pool and some were chatting at the bar. Barmaids brought drinks to waiting men in booths while The Guardian walked up to a bar stool and sat down. A man with a white Stetson turned to him and spoke. "Hello stranger." He said in a kind tone. The guardian looked from the bar to the man beside him. "Oh hello. I am new in town yes and I thought coming to here would help me get some information." He said in a calm polite manner. "What do you need to know stranger?" he said. "Well the date for a start also where I could get a weapon." He said. "Well Frank Merck owns the gun store cross the street and the date is June 17, 1959." He said. "Thank you. I may be around for a while so I needed to get some bearings." The guardian said as he stepped off the stool and headed for the door. "Wait!" called the man in the Stetson. "Yes?" he replied. "What's your name?" The Guardian stopped and thought. After a few minutes he answered. "I am Alexander G. Thompson good to meet ya." And with that he stepped out of the bar and into the night.

The next morning he went to the firearms shop. He saw a large array of beautiful weaponry. However, it was more outdated then he preferred but he could fix that back at the Tardis. "Morning sir! What can I get for ya?" said the man behind the desk. Alex turned around and approached the desk. "I need something well rounded and versatile and a knife I suppose as well." He replied. The man picked up a gun from under the counter and placed it on the counter. "This here is a M1918 Browning automatic rifle. It is good for general use and has a 20 round clip." The owner said. "I like it. How much?" The guardian asked. "The best deal I can give is 250 dollars and I'll throw in a knife you want to go with it." The clerk said. The guardian searched his pockets and fell on his money pouch. He pulled it out and opened it on the desk. "These are 1 pound brass discs. These should cover the cost" said the owner. He took up some of the brass and The Guardian put the rest back into his pouch. He picked up the B.A.R. and a western Bolo hunting knife. "Pleasure doing business with you." Alex said as he walked away.

He made his way back to his Tardis and stepped in. The quickly started modifying his equipment. The rifle was converted to fire infinite rounds of charged plasma so long as the battery held out. The knife was left alone but the Tardis deployed a sonic screwdriver from the console and he grabbed it off the console. Then he sat back and did some research on the planet. "Now let's see what has happened here." He said as he sat on a couch watching a screen of Earth's history…


	3. Chapter 2 The First Adventure

Chapter 2

The First Problem and Assistant

It had been a few days since The Guardian had arrived on Earth. He had become good friends with the people of Adairville, Kentucky. Though he desired a calm life today he was going to be forced into work once again…

The Guardian walked through town on a peaceful stroll. People waved and greeted him as he walked on through town. His gun was slung underneath his coat and the knife was tied around his boots. Then he stopped and saw something he never had seen on Earth. Two robotic figures in cloaks were kidnapping a man. "Somebody Help!" The man called as he was being held against his will. "Give us the Data Shard." Replied the robotic figures. "I don't know what you're talking about!" He said. Then in the blink of an eye, the first figure was missing a large part of his robotic cranium. His companion turned only to have a knife go straight into his left eye. "Retreat. Retreat." The survivor said as he tried to leave but he was kicked to the ground and stabbed again by the knife which had been pulled out by a suited man. "Come with me!" The guardian said as he pulled the man out of the alley to a safer place. "What was that?" The man asked. "They are robotic assassins that are cheaply built." The guardian said. "Who are you?" The man asked. "I am The Guardian." He replied. "So, what happened to you before I came along?" The Guardian asked. "I was walking down the street. When I was followed by one of them and I ran into the alley and another grabbed me." The man replied. "Okay let me take a look at this little thing." The guardian pulled a circuit from his knife and scanned it with the screwdriver. "This technology is too advanced!" He said. "How advanced?" The man asked. "This would be like finding a machine gun from this time in the Roman Empire." The guardian replied. "Well how'd it get here?" The man asked. "What's your name fellow?" The guardian said while looking at the circuit. "I…I am Chris. Chris Stephens." Chris replied. "Well Chris I will need your help on this investigation." The guardian said finally turning back to Chris.

"We need to get back to my place where we can get this analyzed." The guardian finished as the two headed out to his TARDIS. They arrived at the tree. "You live here?" Chris said confused. "No, this is just the outside let me open her up. He snapped his fingers and a section of bark opened and they stepped in. "Wow. Where did you get something like this?" Chris said as he marveled at the interior. "I'll explain later. For now, I need to put this into the analyzer." He said as he put the circuit into a machine off a bit from the console. "Well we have our answer. Those things were androids capable of being remotely operated." The Guardian said. "So can we find the owner of those metal freaks?" asked Chris. "Well first we need to find what their after. What was it?" The guardian turned around at Chris. "Something called a data shard." Chris saw The Guardian's eyes widen. "Oh my god. A data shard!? Those are incredibly dangerous!" the Guardian raced towards the door and it opened but before he ran Chris spoke up. "Guardian! What does that shard do?" Chris said catching up. The Guardian turned round and looked at Chris with a very serious look. "Chris this shard is a data container and it can be used for mental programming. One person could manipulate the mind of all the billions of people on the planet into mindless drones. Now, we must find it before it's too late." So The Guardian raced away with Chris in toe.

The guardian scanned around town and sensed a very advanced technology. "It's in that building." The Guardian said after pointing to a derelict warehouse. "That was an old storehouse when the horse carts ran through this place." Chris said. "Well we best go looking about. Someone not of this world placed that shard in here." The guardian replied as they worked rummaging through the storehouse. They fumbled through crates and hay until Chris felt something. He pulled out a blue glowing prism made of crystal. "That's it!" The Guardian picked it up and put it in a suit pocket. "Well now al we got to do is-"He was cut off by the sound of a weapon charging up. "Give me that shard." Said a voice as it stepped forward. The guardian looked up to see some sort of biomechanical humanoid holding a laser rifle.

"Who are you might I ask?" The guardian said with a smirk as he stepped in front of Chris. "I am Gasdar. I am here on behalf of the Cyberzian Empire." The cyborg replied. "Well I must admit I have never heard of you. Cyber men but no Cyberzians. Anyway I am afraid we can't just give you this." Said The Guardian. Gasdar raised the rifle towards The Guardian's head. "Well then I will take it the easy way." Gasdar cocked back the rifle and prepared to fire. "Catch!" The Guardian said as he swiftly reached for his knife and threw it into the rifle barrel splitting the end of the barrel. "What!" Gasdar said as The Guardian pulled out his modified B.A.R. "Well it seems the bargaining is over. You threatened to kill me and my friend." He said walking his rifle to Gasdar's head. "Please spare me!" Gasdar said through shock and fear. "You expect mercy after your little stunt? I have no mercy left" The guardian said as he pulled the trigger and Gasdar collapsed to the ground with a hole in his head the size of a large orange. "Woah. That was extreme." Said Chris. The Guardian turned around with sadness. "If you don't want to follow me after this, then I understand but I must leave." The Guardian said as he turned away and walked towards the forest on the town outskirts.

He arrived at his TARDIS and was about to step in but he heard a voice. "Guardian! Wait for me!" Chris said running up with a pack on his back and some combat gear in the form of a pistol, shotgun and a military grade combat knife. "I thought you wanted to stay here?" The guardian said hugging his comrade. "I have seen combat too Guardian. I served in the Second World War so I know mercy is very rare on the battle field. I am ready to go!" He said with a happy grin on his face. "Well let's go!" The two then stepped into The Guardian's TARDIS and stepped to the console. "Well new world new timelines. I am going to set her to random!" The guardian slammed down a big blue button and his TARDIS shook around heading off to the next adventure…


End file.
